I Light a Candle for the Baby I’ll Always Love but Never Got to Hold
Each year, from October 9 to October 15, I observe Pregnancy & Baby Loss Remembrance Week. The week is a time to reflect, grieve, and honour the baby I lost. The week culminates on October 15, known as Pregnancy & Baby Loss Remembrance Day, with the Wave of Light - a global event where candles are lit at 7 PM local time to remember all babies who were lost too soon. Lighting a candle on this day is a simple yet profound way to show that our babies are loved and remembered.
Losing a baby changed me forever. It wasn’t just sadness - it was grief tangled up with guilt, fear, and anxiety. After my miscarriage, I questioned my body and myself in ways that left me feeling raw and broken. When I later began IVF, the fear followed me into every scan, every blood test, every hopeful milestone.
What made it harder was how invisible that grief felt. Even though 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, so often it’s treated as something you “move past” quietly, without space to process. I remember feeling like the world had carried on while I was still standing still, clutching a loss no one could see.
Over time, I learned that giving myself permission to grieve openly was a vital part of healing. Lighting a candle, journaling, or simply talking about it with others - these small acts helped me to process my loss. And when I finally conceived again, those acts became anchors, helping me manage the anxiety that pregnancy after loss inevitably brings.
Here are some acts I recommend to cope with your grief:
Lighting a candle or creating a ritual: This act helped me to feel connected to my baby and the global community of parents who have experienced similar loss.
Journaling or creative expression: Writing letters to my baby and creating a memory box allowed me to process my emotions.
Community support: Connecting with others who have experienced loss provides comfort and understanding.
Healing after your angel baby doesn’t mean forgetting them or moving on. It’s keeping their memory alive, and allowing yourself to find moments of joy once again. This week I light a candle to remember my beautiful baby and the life we should have had together. I share my story with others so that we can both feel less alone. And I allow myself the space to grieve.
If this resonates with you, share your story in the comments below - your experience may help someone else feel seen and supported.
FAQs:
Q: How can I commemorate my baby during Pregnancy & Baby Loss Remembrance Week?
A: Saying their name aloud, journaling, creating a memory box, or participating in the Wave of Light are meaningful ways to remember your angel baby.
Q: Is it normal to feel anxious during a subsequent pregnancy?
A: Yes. Pregnancy after loss often brings heightened anxiety. Tools like Carea can help manage emotions.
Q: Where can I find support for pregnancy loss?
A: NHS resources, Baby Loss Awareness Week, and digital communities like Carea provide emotional support and coping strategies.
