Miscarriage: Giving Yourself Permission to Grieve

Miscarriage is one of the most common pregnancy complications - affecting roughly one in four pregnancies - and one of the most minimised. 'At least it was early.' 'At least you know you can get pregnant.' 'At least you have other children.' These phrases, however well-intended, can make women feel that what they are experiencing isn't a real loss. It is.

What you've lost is real

From the moment you knew you were pregnant, you began to build a future. A due date. A face you imagined. A name, perhaps. The loss of a pregnancy is the loss of all of that - and the grief that follows is proportionate to the love you already felt, not to how many weeks you were.

There is no right way to grieve

Some women feel acute, overwhelming grief. Some feel numb. Some feel relief, then guilt about the relief. Some feel nothing for weeks, then are blindsided by emotion later. All of these are valid. Grief doesn't follow a schedule or a set of rules.

“I kept waiting to feel better in the way people told me I would. When I stopped waiting and just let myself feel what I felt, something shifted.”

- Carea community member

What actually helps

• Giving the loss a name or a ritual, if that feels meaningful to you
• Talking to someone who has been through it - the understanding is different
• Being honest with the people around you about what you need (including needing them to stop offering silver linings)
• Professional support from a counsellor experienced in pregnancy loss
• Being gentle with your body as well as your mind - physical recovery takes time too

You are allowed to grieve for as long as you need to. There is no timeline on this. And you are allowed to carry this loss gently alongside whatever comes next - another pregnancy, another path, whatever your future holds.